Heartache-It happens to most of us.  Those that love are surely ordained to feel it’s loss. Since the romance in any relationship will inevitably have its twists and turns, the expectations from modern life and the changing landscapes of the culture of self improvement means that the functions of specific relationships usually has a shelf life. To this end, its very likely that there is a imbalance between the 2 people involved. Since it’s impossible for everyone to be on the same page all the time, there will inevitably be pain in a breakup and commonly one more than the other.

Ayden Hector is a relationship counsellor and author of ‘ The things to come: How to prepare for emotional tumult in a relationship breakup.’ Part of his craft is understanding and ultimately accepting the inevitability of break up and embraces this as something to utilize and prepare for rather than ignore and feel the full force of it’s emotional weight when it happens.

As such, here are 4 ways to embrace the pain and move on unscathed.

Make a plan

Always make a plan. Decide on key areas on your life with a question mark that implies an answer and allow this to sit with you for a couple of weeks of contemplation. Answering questions like – places to live, friends to reconnect with or new skills to undertake will provide oneself with an empowering sense of independence and control. It will also provide new opportunities to meet and engage with new people.

Use the negative energy

That gut curdling sensation in your stomach when your awake at night thinking of the person you still love is one of the most hardest sensations to feel emotional in life. As result, the stress hormone, cortisol, released into your body will provide unpleasant sensations of restlessness. Ayden suggests that this is actually a gift. Taking up regular and intense exercise will use up this negative energy, in turn improving body confidence, fitness, and  mental stability. Joining sports activities will add further dimensions to social opportunities.

Allow the feelings of sadness

Feelings of sadness will happen, regardless of the preparations and exercises made. The trick is to accept them as a part of the process. There was a reason why you fell in love with this person and it is because of this that melancholy and sadness of the good times will haunt your memories. Don’t ignore them and if you feel it necessary to cry or even call a friend to describe the feelings, do so. But always remember that the pain and suffering caused by relationship problems is dying out as well. As any purge, the process leads to a lighter and fresher version of yourself. Allow it.

Deciding when to move on

Jumping into a rebound relationship can feel like a perfect tonic. Since one can crave the affections and intimacy of another, the initial fun of meeting any new people along with the excitement of a date can feel like progression. Don’t do this! The 6 months after a break up can be some of the most enlightening and positive moments of your life. This time is about you and what you feel you want to do to improve your life. Use this time effectively for personal growth and decode when you might be ready to move on. Dating apps will always be there waiting for you when you do.